Thursday, March 22, 2012

Almost half a man

A friend of mine dropped a nuclear bomb of a question at me recently  "how many guys have you been with?"

"I am not sure, let me think, give me for some time plzzz"  That's all I could say instantly. I didn't have an exact number, I have been with lots of guys, or so I thought.

He went on and gave me the exact number of guys he slept with. He remembers their names and even their freaking phone numbers. Damn it, he's too accurate, he has a super memory. Me and my lousy memory, you put me to shame every time. Well in all fairness, I am older than him, I have less active brain cells, right?
But, I refused to let go that easily, I needed to answer him. So I brought a pen and paper, sat down, scratched my head and started thinking. I devised a strategy to try to at least come with an almost accurate estimate. I started to categorize and group my dates: First time, best one, worst ones, weirdest locations, smallest dicks, biggest ones, most sensual, most boring, quickest, longest, craziest, dullest, one with least words, one with most  words, most position intensive, threesomes, foursomes, orgies (ok, no I haven't tried orgies yet, any orgy in town?? pallllleaaaasssseeee let me know), Lebanese, Arabs, Europeans, Americans...ahhhh (Need to breath for a minute).

He asked me this question 3 days ago, I started to work on this list the same day. But I couldn't remember everything from the first trial. After the initial master exercise, I would get flashbacks just about anytime during the day, sometimes during inappropriate moments, such in a work meeting or while paying for my grocery ( the cashier : "Monsieur, 25 alf lira...monsieur...monsieur... Me: Damn it, I forgot about him). Each time I would remember another adventure I would take a note.

In the end I decided to stop when the flashbacks stopped and do some math work. I needed to know how many guys I have been with per month, you know, to get an average. I determined the years since I became sexually active, determined how many months, and then divided the total number of guys I have been with over the number of months.
I can't think of a better use for maths and statistics, if only we were taught math this way.

So you must be asking, what was the average?? Well ladies and gents, I am happy to tell you that on average, I am not as slutty as I thought I am, in fact, I am not sexually that active. On average, I sleep with 0.416 man per month. Say whattttt??? That doesn't even make sense, but hey, numbers don't lie.

There you have it. I am happy that I didn't fool around as much as I thought, and I am happy that I sleep with almost half a man a month...what...wait a minute, am I?

No comments:

Post a Comment