"What are you looking for?" and its abbreviated versions of "looking for?" and "look. 4?" are questions you're bound to be asked while conversing with fellow gay brethren.
So what am I looking for? My answer is often vague and non-specific.
To many, it's annoying, they want a clear-cut answer, say like: "I fancy bj's in sports car in dark alleyways or on top of Mount Kilimanjaro, you know for extra privacy!" or "My friend has a place, available for 30 min every day after 6 p.m., he likes threesome and you should too, so let's hook up the three of us and have our daily allowance of testosterone-infused menage a trois".
But this kind of specificity isn't for me. So why gay-landia you keep on shunning my "je ne sais quoi" answers?
Now I ask you, do you actually know what you are looking for? I don't want to get philosophical, but the question itself should not be taken lightly.
I mean, what are we really looking for? As gays, as Lebanese, as Arabs, as citizens of the world?
For some things are clear, simple, one-layered and carry no ambiguity, but for many of us, things are never so crystal clear and brighter than the sun.
I understand that for many gays, the looking for part has been dumbed down to a night (or day, for that matter) of fornication, and you know what that's all fine and dandy.
I, on the other hand, don't know if I should look for sex or not, a sex buddy or not, a friend or not, a lover or not, a new job or not, a life outside of Lebanon or not, a new haircut or not, a...well you get the picture.
I still have a lot of un-answered questions in my life, and I know for a fact that I am not the only one. It might strike you as being lost, confused or whatever, but it's still better than a generic and the lip-service answer that you most often get.
Next time someone answers your "what are you looking for?" question with "I don't really know" that's okay! Chances are you don't know either!