Friday, June 15, 2012

Beirut 90210

Are you familiar with the TV series Beverly Hills 90210? The original one and the latest revival attempt?

Probably. But for those who don't remember, the show is about the fabulous life of the rich, opulent, flamboyant and decadent Beverly Hills.

However, the lifestyle portrayed in 90210 is nothing new to the Lebanese. Like, hellooooo? We are the Paris of the East, the Switzerland of the Levant, the Monaco of the Arab World.

It doesn't stop there. Lebanon and its darling capital Beirut are always on the hunt for new titles of glory.

God recently bestowed upon us Beirut's latest claim to fame.

God: "Oh Beirut, do you fancy more labels and titles ?"

"Of course I do!  Enno chou awlak?? Walaw God??" Beirut admits.

"Oh city of sin, I hereby appoint you the Middle East's most expensive city" God declares solemnly.

"No way!!! 3anjad??? Oh my God. I can't believe it. My eyes are tearing. Tannxxxx God. Bit3a2id!!!"

Beirut walking proudly with its latest achievement, its ego soaring to new heights, decides to share the joy of this new announcement with its citizens:

"Lebanese and Beirutis, it is with great pride that I announce to you that your city is the most expensive city in the Middle East. Rejoice my fellow citizens. Dance the happy dance. Drink your finest wines. 

My citizens, I have to be clear with you. This city is no longer yours, at least not all of it. I am renting and selling it bit by bit to musky hunky oily Arab Sheikhs. I am sorry my citizens, but the heavy scent of oud dripping from their green cash was too hard for me to resist. 

Don't be upset my children. You can always move to other places in the country. If you go up the mountains, you might find a small place to rent or buy. I am sure you will enjoy the three snow and frost free months in Sannine and  Qornet el Sawda. You cannot beat the views there. What more do you ask for? 

Stop complicating your lives. Why don't you just enjoy what the city offers. Haven't you used the top notch public transportation system? Don't you just love the traffic free streets? How about that freaking 24/7 electricity, crazy, right? And that water? I pour it on the streets for you, so you can freshen up in the scorching summer days. Did you think this was random? 

My children, you seem upset. Stop grunting and murmuring. 

What's that? Did I hear a whisper against Solidere? How dare you?? Wlak  chou echba Solidere?? Ati3a yalli to2ta3kon. Lawma Solidere kena sorna aghla madine bil Chark el Awsat? 

Yalla kil wa7ad 3a bayto, a7to min hon. Please, yalli bayto arib 3al down town, ybi3ne yeh, byiksab 2irchen 7ilween. a7san ma ekhdo minno bi balech ba3den."

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