The Little Forgotten Flower

Lonely flower by the rock. You've lived your life, all by yourself.

You blossom with the first rays of light, beautiful, bright, elegant, and glorious. But nobody cares, it’s okay. You do not mind. Attention you do not seek.

You've watched them come and go, heard their stories, their secrets, their desires and their evil plans. You were delighted when you've seen them in love , and you've trembled at the sight of their dark side.

You watched their every step, they never took notice, but it’s okay. Alone they left you, and this is what you wanted. No words to distract you, just the gentle wind breeze to keep you company.

Lonely flower, a happy life you live. The rock is your home and shelter. A little rain and a morning dew is all that you need. The sounds of birds and the gentle breeze are your eternal friends. You flourish, the place is yours.

But, they came and they disagree. The lands is theirs, they claim. They use it the way they want to. Your beauty means nothing to them. You’re tiny, dispensable, and of no value to them.

They took your rock, your home, your shelter. Your cries for help were never heard, your voice is too little. Silence reigned.

The sun shined bright. Its scorching heat was too much for your frail body. Your rock couldn't protect you from the blazing rays.

You wilted slowly, but steadily, until finally, you kissed the soil that once fed and honored you. 

You withered into oblivion. You are no longer, your home is no longer.

All that remains is your dry skeleton and the deafening silence.

But, they don’t care!

النشرة تتصدى لمشروع ليلى

انهم اللوطيون واللوطيات مجددا! يعكرون صفو سلمنا الاهلي، يعبثون بمثلنا العليا واخلاقياتنا السامية.هؤلاء الانجاس يريدون تدمير مجتمعنا المميز ومدينتنا الفاضلة.

ادواتهم خبيثة، مقنّعة، ظاهرها طاهر وباطنها فاجر. ربي استرنا من كيدهم ومكرهم وشرهم.

اخرهرطقات اللواط في لبنان فرقة موسيقية تسعى لبث الانحراف في المجتمع واضعاف شعورنا القومي:مشروع ليلى 

مشروع ليلى سيجلب الخراب الى ربوع الوطن اللبناني. انتفضوا يا لبنانين، هبوا لنصرة بلاد الارز واعجوبة المشرق، وجسر التلاقح الثقافي ما بين الشرق والغرب.

هذه الفرقة اللوطية تريد بث الخلاف بين ابناء الوطن الواحد. هزلت. هزلت! ما فشرت يا حامد سنو!!!! لن نسمح لك بتفجير البلد مجددا كما فعلت في عام 1975 ولن نسامحك على كل الدماء الطاهرة التي سيلتها في المتصرفية في القرن التاسع عشر.

حامد يخطط لقطع نسل اللبنانيين عبر الترويج للجينز السوبر ضيق 

اعلم يا حامد، انت وليلى وتبعك، ان الاعلام الحر لك بالمرصاد وسيحارب الشاذين والشاذات من امثالك.

سناثبر على نشر فضائحكم و غسيلكم الوسخ ليلعم القاصي والداني مدى خطركم على وطننا الحبيب.

نتمنى من الجميع مساعدة النشرة، رائدة الاعلام الحر والتقدمي في لبنان والعالم العربي، في التصدي لظاهرة اللواط في لبنان. يمكنكم الاتصال على الرقم الساخن 123456 والتبليغ عن اي حالة تستدعي الانتباه. نعدكم ببذل الغالي والنفيس لتحقيق اهدافنا بتصحيح مسار المجتمع واعادته على الصراط المستقيم.

ملاحظة: اطلب الرقم الداخلي 101 لتحويلكم لمحمد سباعي لقضايا مسك الايادي في الاماكن العامة و102 لتحويلكم لجو معلوف لكل القضايا الاخرى.  

Beirut 90210

Are you familiar with the TV series Beverly Hills 90210? The original one and the latest revival attempt?

Probably. But for those who don't remember, the show is about the fabulous life of the rich, opulent, flamboyant and decadent Beverly Hills.

However, the lifestyle portrayed in 90210 is nothing new to the Lebanese. Like, hellooooo? We are the Paris of the East, the Switzerland of the Levant, the Monaco of the Arab World.

It doesn't stop there. Lebanon and its darling capital Beirut are always on the hunt for new titles of glory.

God recently bestowed upon us Beirut's latest claim to fame.

God: "Oh Beirut, do you fancy more labels and titles ?"

"Of course I do!  Enno chou awlak?? Walaw God??" Beirut admits.

"Oh city of sin, I hereby appoint you the Middle East's most expensive city" God declares solemnly.

"No way!!! 3anjad??? Oh my God. I can't believe it. My eyes are tearing. Tannxxxx God. Bit3a2id!!!"

Beirut walking proudly with its latest achievement, its ego soaring to new heights, decides to share the joy of this new announcement with its citizens:

"Lebanese and Beirutis, it is with great pride that I announce to you that your city is the most expensive city in the Middle East. Rejoice my fellow citizens. Dance the happy dance. Drink your finest wines. 

My citizens, I have to be clear with you. This city is no longer yours, at least not all of it. I am renting and selling it bit by bit to musky hunky oily Arab Sheikhs. I am sorry my citizens, but the heavy scent of oud dripping from their green cash was too hard for me to resist. 


Don't be upset my children. You can always move to other places in the country. If you go up the mountains, you might find a small place to rent or buy. I am sure you will enjoy the three snow and frost free months in Sannine and  Qornet el Sawda. You cannot beat the views there. What more do you ask for? 


Stop complicating your lives. Why don't you just enjoy what the city offers. Haven't you used the top notch public transportation system? Don't you just love the traffic free streets? How about that freaking 24/7 electricity, crazy, right? And that water? I pour it on the streets for you, so you can freshen up in the scorching summer days. Did you think this was random? 


My children, you seem upset. Stop grunting and murmuring. 


What's that? Did I hear a whisper against Solidere? How dare you?? Wlak  chou echba Solidere?? Ati3a yalli to2ta3kon. Lawma Solidere kena sorna aghla madine bil Chark el Awsat? 


Yalla kil wa7ad 3a bayto, a7to min hon. Please, yalli bayto arib 3al down town, ybi3ne yeh, byiksab 2irchen 7ilween. a7san ma ekhdo minno bi balech ba3den."

Crazy People Everywhere And Not a Sane In Sight

The past weeks were a tad crazy in Lebanon.

People burned tires blocking vital roads, drunken Islamists terrorized peaceful neighborhoods, RPGs and hand grenades fired in the middle of residential areas, and a group of thugs killed and injured unarmed civilians for a measly sum of money.

Not the ideal times in Beirut and Lebanon, but living on the edge is a key survival strategy that almost all Lebanese adopted a long time ago.

Luckily our politicians are aware of how serious the situation and are doing their best to keep things under control. Oh shit, we're screwed.

Lebanon and The Slow Change Process

Lebanon is a special country, indeed it is. If you look back at its history, it seems that its intrinsic problems will never be dealt with. Time passes, yet they cling there, gazing at you with a defiant and threatening look.

Even before the creation of modern day Lebanon, wars erupted in its mountains between the Druze and Maronites. 

Since the first day of independence Lebanese politics was obsessed with balancing the often conflicting interests of the country's major confessional communities. Balance is a difficult thing to master, one misstep and you are out of grace.

In 1958 a mini-war erupted paving the way for the mother of all wars, the 1975 civil wars which lasted a full fat 15 years. Fast forward to 2008;  yet another mini-war erupted. The latest chapter of violence we  witnessed in Tripoli and Beirut are somber reminders of days we thought were behind us. 

So from the days of the Moutasirifyat Jabal Loubnan to the modern day Lebanon, have we really changed?

Surely, we should know better by now. How can we not? Our ancestors were poor ignorant peasants battling to scrape a living in Mount Lebanon's unforgiving landscape. We are more educated and enlightened. But as it turns out, we still share  much of our ancestors mentalities, fears and hatred.

Why is change slow to come to the Land of the Cedar and the Pearl of the East (thank you Miss Liban for teaching me a thing or two)?

I don't claim to have the answer. But several factors come into play:

• No clear and united vision of Lebanon's identity and role in its natural geographical setting
• Strong tribal and confessional allegiances that undermine national unity
• The unnatural acceptance of foreign meddling in the country's internal affairs
• The I don't care attitude of many Lebanese, who are ready to leave everything behind in their homeland should anything happen. (اخر همي وبلاد الله واسعة)

Of course this is not an exhaustive list and it has a fair bit of generalization. But is there any way out? There should be, it's not like we're destined to live on the edge, always fearing for our life.

There are thousands of Lebanese who want to enjoy life in a free and secular nation. They have great obstacles ahead that are met with few tweets and facebook status updates. Okay, to be fair they are doing more, but it is simply not enough. They need to do more, I need to do more. 

We need to join forces. We need to create a viable alternative to counter all these backward and confessional forces, to force a change, otherwise, we will remain trapped in the cycle of wars and the wait  in between.

Joe Maalouf vs. Mohamad Sibai, Who's the Bigger Menace?

Once a upon a time, there was a brave young man by the of Mohamad Sibai who wrote an article that brought him more exposure than he had ever dreamed of.

The author of the infamous homophobic article is now a household name in Lebanon's LGBT community. All possible replies to his article had been written. Nothing more can be said. His article caused quite a stir also in AUB and a full fledged  leak (à la Wiki Leaks), conveniently named the Outlook leaks, was created to cover the ins and outs of the matter.

Not to be outdone by an upcoming, aspiring,  young and talented journalist, the veteran gossiper, the one and only Joe Maalouf decided to show Mohamad a thing or two on how it should be done.

In the 8/5/2012 episode of his show Enta Horr he waged a war on Hamra movie theater based in Tripoli. His reasoning is that the place in question is a hub of deviant behaviors and all kind of atrocities. According to Joe this cinema is accused of the following:

• Drug trafficking and usage 
• Prostitution
• Playing porn movies
• Facilitating sexual abuse of teenagers 
• Sex between gay men (لواط وشاذين، يا ربي دخلك لوين واصلين؟؟؟)
• Illicit masturbation and abusive cumming
• Occasionally serving as Al-Qaeda stronghold

Well the last accusation seems more plausible to me.

Anyway, what really bugged about this report was the way they mixed everything: drugs, homosexuality, prostitution, pedophilia, necrophilia, and all the philias of the world. I mean come on! Seriously?? 

The report is extremely unprofessional and MTV did not even bother to blur the faces of the people filmed without their consent. I don't care if they are seasoned serial killers, they have some basic rights that should be respected. The Raynbow blog highlighted this issue in particular.

So between Joe and Moe who's the bigger menace?

The curious case of Mohamad Sibai captured the minds of Lebanon's gay community, and it was worth it, but what Joe Maalouf brought to the table is far more serious, and it's not the first time.

Joe has a very sensational approach to journalism, he preys on people's emotions. The radio was not enough for him, he took his agenda to mainstream TV stations.

With all do respect to AUB and to its Outlook, the target audience of this magazine is fairly limited. Besides, people don't read as much as they watch TV or listen to the radio.

So between the hundred Outlook readers (a few thousands at most), and the potential million of viewers in Lebanon, the Arab World and beyond, Joe Maalouf is far more influential!

Joe Maalouf uses words, facial expressions, body language, music and visual techniques to rally people to his cause. Mohamad Sibai uses words and poor editing as his weapon of choice.

Both Joe Maalouf and Mohamad Sibai used religion to justify their point of views. But look carefully at Joe's facial expressions as he mentions the sound of prayers flooding the city while in the Hamra movie theater all kind of abominations take place. He was trying to highlight a certain contrast between the good (religion) and the bad (whoever goes to this place). Moreover, he is able to use his disgusted look to influence people's minds, get them to share his anger and frustration and voila, before you know it, angry mobs soldier on and support his cause (okay I am exaggerating, but you get the picture).

I don't know why, but Joe Maalouf is very sensitive to anything remotely related to sex. Does anyone remember the show on LBC called Lezim Taarif (You Should Know)? The show boldly discussed sexual topics in a seemingly scientific and professional manner. Naturally, Joe Maalouf campaigned against it, and was very vocal about his views. He wanted nothing less than the outright banning of the show. Irrespective if the show was good or mediocre, his demands to ban the show just because it broke some sexual taboos was unacceptable. 

I am not sure about this, but I also think he had something to do with the campaigns El Jarras magazine waged against gay clubs and gays in general (please correct me if I am wrong). 

When I examine some of what Joe did and is still doing, it is clear to me that his sensational style and his reactionary views will do nothing but harm. He is using people's fears to get more famous and gain notoriety as Joe of Arc, Lebanon's savior and protector. 

Joe Maalouf's reach and increasing viewership will harm the LGBT community much more than Mohamad Sibai's article, especially if he continues with reports that mix chaaban bi ramadan and paint gays as sex offenders and drug abusers. 

I call upon all of you to raise your voice against Joe Maalouf as you did with Mohamad Sibai. 

The Journey to Accept Myself

My path towards self-acceptance was not easy. As I look back, I realize that I overcame many obstacles, fought and conquered many inner demons but I also realize that I still have more bridges to cross and victories to win. It's a never ending journey. 

Although each paints his/her own unique path, thousands, probably millions share my story. It is always comforting to know that, as no one likes to be left all alone in this fight. 

I won't bore you with all the details of my life, but will share with you the highlights of my journey to accept what probably shaped my personality the most: the realization that I’m a homosexual.

I was probably 13/14 years when I became aware I wasn't like other boys my age. There was something different about me. I began to get attracted to other boys, and even more to men.

Oh heavens, what is wrong with me? Could I be gay? It's not possible! It's not acceptable! It can't be! This was my state of mind at that time. I began to look for answers, I grabbed books and encyclopedias at my disposal (yeah I am older than Wikipedia and the Internet revolution!) and looked for related articles and began to read and read and read.

Although the reading helped me in becoming a bit more insightful, but it didn't help me with my shame, fear, and guilt feelings. I was borderline paranoid that someone might discover my big, fact, juicy secret.

I was mentally burdened almost all the time. My mind was constantly thinking, and I was going through it all by myself. I was crying on the inside, but would never allow anyone to notice, especially my family.

At a time when I should have been having a blast, enjoying my time and mingling with my peers, I was distancing myself from everyone, almost.

Misfit, that's how I saw myself. I didn't belong anywhere and never felt to be part of a group. Life was difficult, a hardship, and it was not worth living. All of a sudden suicidal thoughts didn't seem so bad. Luckily, this phase didn’t last forever.

Needless to say how shitty high school was for me. I hated it! I wasn't in a mixed school and though for a gay guy this should be a positive thing, it wasn't. Teenagers really lack empathy and expect you to act or to behave in a certain way in order to accept you. Obviously, I didn't, as such I was never popular; in fact I was an outcast at best.

By that time I had very little gay experiences and the ones that I had were awkward and more experimental than anything else.

Then came University. By that time, the internet was becoming more and more mainstream. People were putting its mighty power to good use: to hook up! I was no exception.

There was a site called GayLebanon (or something of that sort, I am not really sure) and it had a chat room. So I decided to try. I chose a username, logged in to the chat room, not really expecting what was going to happen. All of sudden someone said: 

Hi (yi chou chiftilo yeha kbire!) 

Hi, Ya ahla, I replied.
T or B? He asked.
To be or not be you mean? Damn, gays debate Shakespeare in chat rooms?! I wondered.
Top or bottom? He asked again.
Ha?? Say whaaaat??
I was honestly lost in the gay technical lingo.

After a few failed initial trials, things got better with time and I managed to meet with some guys. Although these meetings were spaced in time and irrespective of the sex part (which was not a given anyways), they gave me the chance to unburden and meet people who share many of my fears and concerns. This fact by itself made me want to meet other guys and to hope to become friends with some of them but this never materialized. 

As I started to meet more guys, I started to become more comfortable with my homosexuality. Nevertheless, the fear, the shame and the guilt feelings did not dissipate easily; they lingered.

I started to reconcile with my homosexuality when I had my first gay friends with whom I shared quality time. Even with these initial gay friends the bulk of my social life was with my straight friends. My gay friends were relegated to second ranks. They were part of my underground life.

Great as they are/were, I felt something missing whenever I was with my straight friends from work or university. Perhaps this was the missing link, I thought. If I really needed to feel comfortable in my own skin I should build long lasting friendship with gays, and furthermore down the road dare to open up to few select straight people.

Luckily, I managed to come across quality people that I am proud to consider as friends.

With my closest gay friends, I shared (and still share) quality time, going out and about in the lovely Beirut city and together we enjoyed the limited outlets it gives to its LGBT community. But more importantly, with them I got intimate on a deeper emotional level, something which I had never done before. This alone allowed to see clear into my soul and to realize that I was being hard on myself, missing on a lot of what makes life enjoyable and imagining a world that doesn't exist instead of enjoying life as it is, with its highs and lows. 

Through these friends, I got acquainted with wonderful straight people that are supportive of gays and their rights. 

I am getting closer to where I want to be. As I look back, I realize how far I travelled. Self-hate and sleepless nights are a distant memory. I grew in confidence and self-esteem, but it’s not over yet. I still have some obstacles to cross, most importantly to come out to my parents. It's daunting to even think about it, but it should be done sooner or later.

At the end, no matter how hard you try; if you are not happy with yourself your smiles and laughs won’t be sincere. You will be constantly bored, angry, restless, never satisfied, and ultimately sad. Look deep into your heart, search ever corner of your soul and you will realize how worthy of love and happiness you are. I know it's easier said than done, but make sure to try.

Always keep in mind that if others are willing to accept and love you, why can't you do the same?